Chapter 89
I desperately tried to memorize all that I could from this moment.
Nicholas being sweet with Elva as he lifted her up off of Night. Night licked at her face and she giggled.
Julian had been so kind to me, making me laugh even though I had fully intended on sitting here quietly and alone.
Silver, so relaxed and protective, head resting in my lap.
Near the end of the night, Elva fell asleep in Nicholas's arms. Mark took her from him to carry her back to my room.
Most of the other girls had retired by now. The stars were bright in the sky, and the hour was late.
Nicholas approached me and asked, "May I walk you back to your room?"
He pushed my chair for me through the palace toward an elevator in the back. It was tucked out of the way, but helpful for situations like these. Nicholas said the servants used it to bring heavy loads up and down the stairs.
Outside of my room, we hesitated. Now was the time to say goodbye. Neither of us said it. "The next time we see each other will likely be at the elimination," he said.
That was true. Though we would be under the same roof, the royal family only interacted with the girls during specific scheduled events, none of which had been arranged for the next couple of days.
"We both know I'm going to be sent home," I said.
He didn't reply, basically confirming my assumption. I nodded, expecting it, yet oddly, I still felt a bit sad inside.
"Elva will miss you," I said.RêAd lat𝙚St chapters at Novel(D)ra/ma.Org Only
"I'll miss her too."
"You could still reach out to her, if you wanted. Even after we're gone. I'm sure she'd love to hear from you."
Nicholas swallowed hard. His gaze fell to the ground. "That wouldn't be appropriate. I'd be duty bound to both the throne and whichever woman becomes my wife. My own family would require my loyalty."
Another pang of hurt sliced in between my ribs. I understood, of course. Princes belonged more to their country than themselves. And if Nicholas was my husband, I wouldn't feel all that comfortable with him keeping tabs on his ex-girlfriend and her child.
But understanding didn't ease the pain.
Worse, I had no idea how I would explain Nicholas's sudden absence to Elva.
"Thank you, Nicholas. For everything you've done, for me and for Elva."
Nicholas nodded. He didn't say anything more.
His gaze could never quite hold mine again, the longer we stood there. Longing ached within me. I wanted to see his eyes once more, to look into those golden depths and find those flecks of green.
Yet he denied me that too.
For the best, most likely. If he looked at me, and I looked back, I wasn't sure I would want to look at anything else ever again.
Such a foolish notion that was, knowing I meant so little to him.
I hadn't once. Even know, he had been the greatest love I'd ever known. I genuinely doubted that would ever change.
It didn't affect the present in any way, except to make this moment even more bittersweet.
We both knew this was the end again, even if we couldn't say it.
At least this time, I would get to leave with some of my dignity intact.
"Goodnight, Nicholas," I said.
He closed his eyes. "Goodnight, Piper."
He stood there silently while I entered my room. I wondered, long after I closed the door, how long he stayed there. If it equaled the same amount of time I spent on the other side of the door, wishing this wasn't the end.