CHAPTER 4
Zara’s POV
My body was used to waking up at five in the morning. Yes, my eyes were wide open, but my mind was blank. The last thing I remember was telling Lucas that I would go to the bathroom for a moment. Then he accompanied me back to the living room and gave me some hot water. After that… he carried me upstairs… into my room.
Oh my! I touched myself because I felt like something inappropriate happened. I’m really naked! My suspicion was correct.
“You’re awake, good morning,” someone suddenly spoke close to me.
His hair was still wet, and a few drops of water were trickling down his neck.
“Lucas? What are you doing here?” I asked because even if we were married, we slept separately.
“I spent the night here, don’t you remember?” he said to me, and of course, I was shocked.
Who wouldn’t be surprised by his revelation? “Why? I mean, why did you sleep here?” I asked him.
“Because you asked me to,” he replied.
“You’re lying!” I told him because what he’s saying is impossible; I didn’t invite him to spend the night in my room. As if!
“Common, Zara. We’re not kids anymore to deny what happened between us last night. But I understand if you’re still in denial stage right now,” he said.
“So, I have to accept whatever happened even if I don’t want to because I’m getting older. Is that what you’re telling me?”This content belongs to Nô/velDra/ma.Org .
“I’m not implying that you’re old already. What I’m saying is, we are both adults and mature enough to deal with our situation now!”
“Adult and mature. Hah! But you should’ve controlled yourself!” I couldn’t stop myself from raising my voice.
“I tried to stop you but-”
“But what?”
“I was not strong enough to resist the temptation. You were so beautiful and seductive last night. Besides, am I not allowed to sleep with my wife?”
“You are mean!”
“Mean or not, I have every right to sleep with you or to fuck you whenever I want to. Remember this, Zara. As my wife, you have an obligations to fulfill my sexual needs,” he reminded me.
I wanted to respond, but he quickly left my room and slammed the door shut. It seems like Lucas’s signature way of closing doors – always slamming! Was he the one who should be angry with both of us? After all, I was the one who took advantage of him last night.
I got up and made my bed before heading to the bathroom to take a shower. I wanted to get rid of the beer smell from my body and also Lucas’s scent.
I took a three-minute shower before filling the tub with hot water. I added a few drops of rose oil to the water. Before getting into the tub, I lit some scented candles and grabbed a romance novel to read.
The story of the book I read was beautiful, but I couldn’t stay too long in the bathtub as I had guests to attend to. I folded the book and returned it to its place. I used a body wash cream to keep my skin clean and moisturized.
After rinsing off the remaining soap from my body, I inspected my private area to see if I needed to shave. Good thing it was still clean and pretty down there. Somehow, I felt a bit relieved when I remembered that Lucas already saw that part. Lord, help me. I was not yet fully dressed when Lucas suddenly entered my walk-in closet. His timing is really something! Just when I was adjusting my bra, he entered.
“Next time, knock first!”
“I was worried when I couldn’t find you!”
“And where would I go, huh?”
“I don’t know, but maybe you’ll try to escape… from me. You know what I mean, right?”
“Maybe, but it’s unlikely to happen. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll change now, then I’ll prepare our breakfast.”
“Take your time… but please don’t wear that skirt,” he ordered.
For the second time, I was not given a chance to respond as he was gone again. Lucas was really fast when leaving my room. I took a good look at the denim skirt I originally planned to wear. What’s his problem with it? In the end, I chose a navy blue pocket dress with a floral pattern before heading downstairs.
“How about we eat outside?” I suggested to Lucas because we seldom go out as a family. When I glanced at Enrique, I immediately regretted for suggesting such a thing. He looked hopeful, and I knew he would be disappointed later on.
“No,” Lucas said before leaving us, but a few moments later, he returned and whispered into my ears everything that we did last night. Did he really have to do that? What was his intention? To torment me that he could have my body but I couldn’t have his heart?
In the past, I had no problem being alone with Lucas in the same room or place. Our dynamics have really changed because I no longer felt comfortable being alone with him. I felt uneasy around him.
“Are you uncomfortable with me?” he asked, and it’s obvious, isn’t it?
But I couldn’t answer immediately. I wanted to deny that everything’s okay between us, that nothing happened between us, but I couldn’t.
“Honestly, yes.”
“Me too. And whose fault is this?”
I wanted to ask him if he would also be hurt if I suddenly avoid him and if he would be upset with me. But I chose to remain silent and fortunately, he left me alone and never came back. So, when he was gone, I started preparing breakfast. Lucas could go to hell and I wouldn’t give a damn!
Last night, I was shocked when he asked if he was adopted. I was speechless for a moment, but I came up with a better explanation to make him understand the situation even at his age. After our heart-to-heart talk, he voluntarily came with me to the dining room, and we enjoyed the meal together.
“Mom, your cooking is the best! Especially the fried chicken,” he complimented my cooking before taking a big bite.
I chuckled and wiped the side of his lips. “Eat slowly, young man. You don’t want to choke, right?”
“Okay, Mom.”
After enjoying the food that I cooked for him, I took out our favorite cake. He loved sweets, but since I didn’t want to ruin his teeth, I decided to learn baking to have better control of the sugars. I baked him cupcakes with different flavors, but we both loved the red velvet one.
All of a sudden, my cellphone rang, and there was a video call request from Nicholas Rutherford. For a moment, I was hesitant to take the call. It had been a long time since we talked, but he was a friend.
“Hi, Nick!”
He smiled handsomely. It’s no wonder that way back in our college days, he was the talk of the female students at Emerald University.
“Hello, my beautiful best friend,” he greeted with his signature playful smile.
I immediately looked at his blue eyes, which he got from his British father. Then, suddenly, I became uncomfortable looking at him. Was it because of Antoinette’s suggestion to date him?
“How are you doing?” I asked, subtly changing the topic.
He acted like he was hurt. As far as I know, he’s currently in another country for the launching of his new brand for a clothing line. I wished we could talk just like in the past, but when I glanced at Enrique, he seemed to be disappointed.
“Who is that, Mom?” he asked.
“It’s Uncle Nick,” I replied, but before I could explain further, Enrique rudely took my phone.
“Hi, Uncle Nick!”
I know that Lucas prohibited me from talking to anyone, but Nick was an exception. We were friends for a long time. Besides, I had no interest in Nick for a romantic relationship.
“Hey, buddy. How’re your studies?” Nick was all smiles.
In fact, Nick had been more of a father than Lucas. I remembered the day I was about to go into labor. I writhed in pain, and my water broke. I tried to reach Lucas, but he was nowhere to be found. He was on a date with his girlfriend because it was her birthday.
I had no choice back then but to call Nick, and he didn’t hesitate to pick me up and bring me to the hospital. He and Antoinette were with me for almost a few hours after giving birth. I don’t want to think about the past. My chest was too heavy. I shed a lot of tears for Lucas Blackwood.
While Nick was talking to my son, I couldn’t help but wonder if I ended up with Nick and not with Lucas. Would I be happy? Would Enrique be happy?
After they talked, Enrique ended the call without returning the phone to me. The call was already disconnected when he handed it back to me. Then, he excused himself to continue watching the television show. I was supposed to wash the plates when Nick called again. For a moment, I was tempted to ignore the call, but then, I couldn’t.
“Wazzup, Nick? You called again,” I said.
“You know that Giselle is one of my clothing models, right? Your husband is also here to support her,” he told me, but I wished he didn’t bother.
I felt a new weight in my chest, and it was painful… I thought there was no pain because I was used to it.
“It’s fine… he told me about it,” I lied to save face, but Nick suddenly became furious and raised his voice.
“No, it is not fine, Zara! Are you crazy? I just told you that your husband is cheating on you, and then, you will tell me that it’s fine. What’s wrong with you?”
When Nick raised his voice at me, the tears that had been brewing for a while now willingly ran down my cheeks. Nick looked at me through the video call with confusion and pity in his eyes.
“Hey, Zara. Listen to me, buddy. Don’t you cry for that idiot! Hey, stop crying,” he asked me.
“I-I’m fine. It’s because of you,” I told Nick.
“Why do you cry for the bastard? Divorce him,” he suggested.
“I think I will,” I said, and then I lied about Enrique calling me.
The call ended. Supposedly, I would stare into nothingness while imagining Lucas with Giselle, being sweet with one another, or even kissing in public.
However, this time, I reacted differently. I picked up the plates and brought them to the sink. Last week, I had a maid, but only God knows what Lucas did to her because she suddenly went AWOL. It had always been like that. He would never oppose hiring a maid, but then, he would encourage the maid to go AWOL or absent without official leave.
After drying the plates on the white mat, I joined Enrique in the living room. Together, we watched cartoons, and when it was time for snacks, I stood up to get some refreshments.
Whenever Lucas was not home, I would be free to be lazy. No one would tell me what to do. I knew that what Lucas was doing had an emotional and psychological impact on my son and me, and yet, I was hesitant to leave him for good.
For every special day in Enrique’s life, Lucas would never bother to show up. My son never experienced spending time with his Daddy during birthdays and other special occasions.
Just like me, it seemed that Enrique wouldn’t experience a father’s love, and it was heartbreaking. However, I couldn’t just blame Lucas for our dysfunctional family. It was all my fault.
I should be the one to be blamed, and Enrique should hate me more. Oh God, I was confused by everything. Was it really my fault? Was everything my fault from the start?
Later that evening, after picking up Enrique from school and having dinner together, I knew it was time to have a serious conversation with him. I waited until we were both settled on the couch and then I gently took his hands in mine.
“Enrique, there’s something important I need to talk to you about,” I began, trying to find the right words.
He looked at me with those innocent eyes, and I felt a pang of guilt wash over me. My sweet little boy didn’t deserve to go through this.
“What is it, Mom?” he asked, sensing the seriousness in my tone.
“I want to talk to you about Daddy and me. You know that we haven’t been very happy lately, right?” I said softly.
He nodded, his expression serious, and I continued, “Well, sometimes grown-ups have disagreements, and it can make them sad. And when grown-ups are sad, it can affect their relationships with others, even the people they love the most.”
“Are you and Daddy sad because of me?” he asked his voice breaking, and it broke my heart to see him blame himself.
“No, sweetheart, it’s not your fault at all. You are the light of my life, and I love you more than anything in this world. Mommy and Daddy’s problems have nothing to do with you,” I reassured him, wiping away a tear from his cheek.
“Then why don’t you both smile like we used to?” he asked innocently.
I took a deep breath, trying to find the right words to explain this to him in a way that he would understand.
“It’s like when you used to love playing with a certain toy, but as you grow older, you find other things you like. It doesn’t mean you didn’t love that toy; it’s just that things change,” I said gently.
“But I want things to be like before,” he said, his lower lip trembling.
I pulled him into a tight hug, trying to comfort him, “I know, baby. I wish things could be like before too. But sometimes, life doesn’t work out the way we want it to. And it’s okay to feel sad about it.”
He stayed in my embrace, and we sat there quietly for a while, his little arms wrapped around me tightly.
“Mom, are you going to leave me too?” he asked hesitantly.
My heart shattered into a million pieces at his words. I never wanted him to feel abandoned, and the thought of leaving him hurt me deeply.
“No, baby, I would never leave you. I will always be here for you, no matter what,” I said, trying to sound as reassuring as possible.
“But if you and Daddy don’t love each other anymore, why do you still stay together?” he asked, and I knew he was too young to understand the complexities of relationships.
“It’s not because we don’t love you, but we want to make sure you have a stable and happy life. But if Mommy and Daddy are not happy together, it’s not fair to anyone, especially you,” I explained.
He seemed to absorb my words, and after a moment, he spoke again, “So, what are you going to do, Mom?”
I sighed, knowing this was the moment I needed to be honest with him.
“I think it’s time for Mommy and Daddy to live apart, sweetheart. We both love you very much, and we will always be your parents, but we need to figure out a way to be happy,” I said gently.
Enrique’s eyes welled up with tears again, and he buried his face in my shoulder, sobbing softly. I held him close, whispering comforting words and trying to soothe his pain.
“I don’t want you to leave,” he said between sobs.
“I know, baby, and I don’t want to leave you either. But sometimes, grown-ups need to make hard decisions for the best. We will figure it out together, okay? You and me, we will always be a team,” I said, hoping to bring him some comfort.
As the night went on, I held my son close, promising him that no matter what happened, I would always be there for him. We both cried that night, but in each other’s arms, we found a little solace.