Teacher's Girl (Aflyingwhale)

Chapter 49: Cancel Culture 

EMMA’s POV :

I never thought in a million years that I would be spending Valentine’s Day in a Planned Parenthood clinic as a high school senior. It was a lousy Saturday morning and I was sitting in that waiting room with my two best friends.We came in as soon as the doors opened at 9 AM.

After filling out an extensive form, I was brought into an examination room where they did a physical exam and an ultrasound on me.

The ultrasound determined that I was in fact, four and a half weeks pregnant.

It was living inside me for 32 days...That thing is 32 days old... I was being administered by a female nurse, her name was Jackie, and she was very helpful.

She told me there are several ways I could do the procedure.

One of the ways was through a medical procedure, which meant taking an abortion pill or a shot.

Then she went on and told me about all the side effects.

"A medical abortion is a process, not an instant fix.It may take up to 48 hours after your visit for the medication to work.It can also entail heavy bleeding, intense cramping, and the passage of large clots,"she said.

"I'm explaining everything to you not to dissuade you from your decision.I’m just stating the facts.Are you with me?"

"Yes," I nodded.

"The other option is to get a surgical abortion.In which case, you will be put under anesthetic and the doctor would insert a small tube into the uterus, applying gentle suction, and remove the contents and lining of the uterus,"she paused for a moment to make sure I was still following her.

"The procedure itself takes around 10 minutes, but you need to get prepped for surgery so it will take about 4 to 5 hours in total.After the anesthetic has worn off and you have received your aftercare, you will need to be driven home,"

She told me to think over my options.

I could take a minute, or an hour, or even a couple of days.

But the thought of taking more time to let this thing inside me grow didn’t sit well with me.

I knew I couldn't keep it.

There was no point in prolonging the charade.

I told her I would just need a couple of minutes to talk to my girlfriends about it.

She was very supportive and she told me to take as much time as I need.

Going back out into the waiting room, I spotted Tiff and Carrie sitting carelessly on the sofa while watching the bad TV programs they put on.

"So?" they looked up at me as soon as they saw me.

"The nurse was really nice.She told me all my options .."I said as they scooted for me and I sat in between them.

"Okay, and?"

"I think I'll do the surgical procedure.It'll take about 4 or 5 hours in total but everything will be done at once.And I'll need someone to drive me home later,"

"Absolutely, we'll be here for you," Carrie squeezed my hand supportively.

"What's the other option?"Tiff asked.

"A medical abortion by taking pills.She can give me one to take one right now and after 48 hours, I'll have to take another one at home and wait for it to work,"

"You don’t wanna do that? That sounds less painful,"Carrie said.

"No, I'm afraid I might mess it up.Taking pills was never my forte,"I stifled a dry laugh, but no one else was laughing.

"That was a solid joke.I would laugh if the circumstances were different,"Tiff gave me a small, sorry smile.

"Anyway, the side effects of the pills sounded really bad.A lot of bleeding and blood clots and stuff,"

"Ouch..." they winced.

Blood clots...maybe that is what my little blip would turn into after I do the procedure.

32 day year old blood clot.

I wonder if it'll feel pain.

I wonder if it'll feel sad knowing that their mom and dad had decided to get rid of them like trash... "So, you're sure about this?"

Carrie asked cautiously.

"Of course,"I shrugged.

"What other choice do I have?"It was ironic that I was here today to hear my options, the different ways I could deal with terminating the pregnancy.

But to be honest, I didn't have a choice in this.

lan had decided that this was the only way out.

At first, I agreed with him, I couldn't wait to get it out of me.

But last night, as I was lying in bed trying to sleep, I couldn’t help but think...

What did this blip inside me ever do wrong and why did we hate it so much? "Hey, Em, it's okay to not be sure.It is a big decision, you can still think about it,"

Carrie squeezed my hand again and caressed my arm.

"I can't," I sighed bitterly,

"There’s nothing else to think about.lan doesn’t want this baby.It’s a nuisance and it's just gonna cause trouble for everyone,"

"Well, do you?"Tiff asked suddenly.

"What?"

"Do you want this baby?"

"The logical side in me says no, but..."

"But?"

"My heart...my heart is hurting for it.It’s just a little baby.It's a product of our love.Why is something that beautiful has to be so bad?" My friends didn’t have an answer for me.

Tiff just sighed while Carrie bit her lip and looked away.

"I couldn't sleep last night.I tossed and turned thinking about this little thing inside me.When they did the ultrasound earlier, I saw the little blip in my stomach.They told me it was 32 days old.32 days.In just a couple of days when the blip turns 5 weeks old, they said I can start hearing the heartbeat.The heartbeat, guys...it's gonna have a heartbeat..." my voice cracked as tears began to pool around my eyes.

Tiff and Carrie looked at each other before turning to look at me.

Tears were pooling in their eyes too, and they didn’t know what else to say.

So, they just pulled me close into a hug.

Their faces snuggled my shoulder and chest, keeping me warm.

"A part of me was thinking that maybe I can keep the baby.I can keep the paternity a secret.lan wouldn't get in trouble and I can always go to college later, take a gap year like you, Tiff.A part of me was thinking that it wouldn't be so bad.That would be inconvenient, sure, but wouldn't that be better than killing an innocent life?"

Taking a deep breath, Carrie pulled away slightly and said, "Emma, have you told lan that you’ve been feeling this way?"

"You should have seen his face last night,"I scoffed ,

"He looked disgusted.He didn’t want to hear or have anything to do with this baby.All he cared about was how soon I can get rid of it,"

Remembering our conversation from last night, my heart was breaking into pieces all over again.

I had never seen him so upset before.

And the words he said out loud, although true, they were hurtful.

"Because you're a high school student and you're going to college.

And I'm still your fucking teacher! If people found out about us, I can go to jail, Emma! Do you know that? Don’t be fucking delusional!"

Maybe I was being delusional.

Keeping this baby would ruin our lives.

I had to do what was best for everyone, for me, for lan, for my family and for the blip.

It wouldn't be happy being born into a world where no one wanted it.

I'm sorry sweet little blip, but you have to go.

"Guys, can you call the nurse?"I said as firmly as I could.

"I'm ready for the procedure.I wanna do it now,"

"But, Emma "

"Now.Please,"

I went back into the examination room and told Nurse Jackie what my decision was.

She didn't ask me if I was sure, and I was glad she didn't.

Because every time someone asked me that question, I would have to question my own decision again and I was tired of She went on and told me about the steps for the procedure.

She went through all the possible problems and after care.

I nodded at everything she said and restrained myself from changing my mind again.

After she was done explaining, she told me to wait outside for a couple more minutes, as she needed to prepare the room for the surgery.I went back out in the waiting room and I noticed the clinic was getting busy.

I saw a doctor walking about and some nurses passing by as they were getting ready.

I sat back down with Tiff and Carrie and they immediately held my hand.

"You're good?"Carrie asked.

"Yeah,"I nodded.

"Hey, your phone's been buzzing.I don’t know if you wanna take it?"

Tiff said as she handed my phone to me.

I couldn't bring it to the exam room so she was holding onto it all morning.

I saw the screen and it said ‘lan calling’.

"He’s been calling like, twenty times,"

Tiff said again.

I didn’t know what he would say.

He was probably calling to check up on me and to make sure I was holding up my end of the deal.

I didn’t feel like talking to him, but at the same time I was desperate for some comfort.

lan always knew the right thing to say to comfort me.

So I took a deep breath and grabbed the buzzing phone from her hand.

I stood up and walked a few steps away from my friends and answered, "Hey,"

"Hey, I've been calling all day.Where are you?"he sounded worried.

"In the clinic.I'm getting ready to...you know,"

"Oh, okay,"he paused for a beat before continuing,

"Is anyone there with you?"

"Tiff and Carrie,"

"Do you want me to come get you after you’re done? Do you need anything?"

"No, I’m fine..." I breathed, but if he could see me right now, he’d know that it was a lie.

"How are you feeling?"he asked.

"Nervous and scared...But I'll be okay,"

I was trying my best to be strong, but really I was crumbling into pieces.

My breath was stuck in my throat and my eyes were blurry all over again.

"I love you so much, baby girl, please know that,"

"I know,"my voice came out in a whimper.

I could hear him taking a deep breath and letting out a long sigh.

I could imagine he would be raking his hair right now.

He was probably just as confused and upset.

"Listen, I know this is tough..."he said softly, ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

"but someday you'll look back and realize that it’s for the best.You still have your whole life ahead of you.This is only gonna hold you back,"

What he said was one hundred percent correct, but somehow I couldn’t bring myself to agree with him.

Was this really for the best? What if I wanted to be held back? What if I wanted to wait and see the little blip grow up to have a heartbeat? What if getting rid of it would be a mistake? And suddenly, I saw an image in my head.

An image of a beautiful baby wrapped in my arMs.It was so cute and so little.

And when it opened its eyes, they were these deep, dark brown eyes that looked exactly like lan’s.

It was the most beautiful thing I never see...

"lan..."I croaked.

"Yeah?"

"I can't do it,"I whimpered.

My lips were shaking and my voice came out in breaths.

"I can’t get rid of the baby.It’s part me and part you, and I love it,"

"Emma what are you talking about?"

"I know you don’t want it and I’m sorry, but this is a choice that I have to make on my own,"

"Emma _ Before he could say anything else, my thumb had pushed the red button to end the call.At the same time, Nurse Jackie came out of the examination room and her eyes darted to find me, standing in the corner.

"Emma Sinclair? We're ready for you," she stated, gesturing for me to come follow her.

"No," I breathed slowly, pausing to gain my composure and said

"No, I changed my mind,"

"Emma?" Tiff and Carrie shot me a look.

"I'm sorry, I can't," was all that I could say to them in response.

I didn't know what was happening to me, but I just knew I had to get out of there.

So, I ran.

"Emma, wait!"

My heart was racing like crazy as I ran out of there as fast as I could.

I heard Tiff and Carrie’s voices calling out after me, but I couldn’t look back.

I got in my car frantically and turned the engine on immediately.

Next thing I knew, I was speeding down the road, running free with the choice I was making. Maybe it was selfish what I was doing.

But I was in a‘ damned if I do, damned if don’t’ situation.

I was losing no matter what.

But if the choice was between my well -crafted planned future versus this little baby inside me, I'd chose this baby over anything, any day. I love this 32-day-old blip with all my heart and lan was just gonna have to deal with it. .