Running Into Figure Six

….

(Baton Rouge is the capital of Louisiana, a state in the United States of America)

Rooney sat at his wheel, in the middle of nowhere- Baton Rouge actually- wishing the earth would just swallow him and his car whole, leaving no traces of his existence. It was 11pm and not so safe out there, but he was too bothered to care.

For some reason, he wondered what would have happened if he didn’t go home to check on her.

She’d probably be dead by now.

No, Lord, no. God forbid

He would never have forgiven himself if he did not act on that call.

Lucy Wayne, his mother was his only family, as far as he was concerned. And whatever he could do, he would, to keep her.

Rooney had no idea why she would keep blaming herself for her husband’s death, and why she never shared the story with him or anyone else. It was very painful to watch his mother in that state; she looked like a statue- lifeless, stiff, unmoving, alive but dead inside.

He had been a directionless teenager when his workaholic father died, and both he, and his older brother, Sydney had no idea how he died. All they knew was that his dead body was found somewhere in the woods, and that their mother did not attend his burial.

“I guess I’ll never know why. I don’t know why mom wants to carry the secret to the grave. It must be really bad. I just wish I knew somehow, I just wish he never died. Then, she’ll not be this miserable. Sydney would not have left too ” he soliloquized, watching the night darken.

His brother had been in and out of home, and then he finally left when he turned twenty, and never got in touch since. His mom, Lucy, started doing drugs after Rooney left too. He regretted leaving her but he could never go back. He was torn between keeping a grudge with her and loving her. Everyone claimed she killed their father and she accepted their accusation without any explanation.

It was hard not to hate her or avoid her at least, because she refused every help anyone rendered, and because her silence split their whole family.

It was like she wanted to die or she’d never stop feeling guilty about her husband’s death. “A lost cause . A fucking lost cause” Rooney spat

She was a liability now that she began doing drugs and getting into trouble everywhere. It didn’t help that her two sons tried their possible best to save her.

Everytime Rooney or Sydney asked her to tell them the whole story, she would bypass the request. Rooney particularly put her in therapy but she ran away from home after three months of therapy, returning as a drug addict.

He had to leave Louisiana to start a new life and manage his father’s business , so as to get over everything and also since Sydney didn’t seem to be interested. He had particularly threatened his mother that he’d leave just as Sydney left, if she did not open up to him, because he was tired of living with her like that.

She had remained totally unyielding and so he left to manage his father’s business in New York, but he had always been worried about her. The sudden buzz from his phone jerked him back to reality. It was Cole

“She okay now?” He demanded. He’d been following him up since he got there. “She’s calm” he simply responded

“I’m sorry you have to go through all these. I hope she comes out of it sooner”

“Do you think I should plead with her to talk to me? Do you think I should try once more before going back to New York?”

“I will advise you stay with her some more. Make her feel comfortable and try talking her out of running away again” Rooney simply hanged up, nodding to himself.

He had to stay back and see that she was fine enough to no run away from home by the time he would leave.Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

And so Rooney began to drive ever so slowly down the road th. at led to his mother’s. Returning home suddenly felt strange for him especially as home didn’t look anything like home, at least not anymore. The paints on the walls of the blue duplex had peeled off a long time ago, and if Rooney had been Rooney, he would have hired a painter for a total refurbishing, but who needed the house anyway? It was near empty already except that their mother still lived there.

Thinking about it, he thought her living there alone hadn’t been a good idea in the first place, but, he had no better option in mind- she insisted she would stay back to at least smell his clothes, and his laboratory tools- the ones she refused to throw away even after nine years.

“Mom” he called, before even alighting. Then, he muttered a prayer ever so softly. He deliberately parked a few metres away in order for him to sight his surroundings and prepare himself before walking in.

He deliberately parked a few metres away, and as quietly as before, even though he was certain that noise wouldn’t even move his statuelike mother.

He also did in order for him to sight his surroundings and prepare himself for anything no matter how hard that might sound .

He knew that she was awake, even if she was in her bedroom and he started to wonder if she ever remembered to eat.

She looked homeless when he saw her, that’s like an understatement, but it could fit as well.

Staring at her like this was hell for him, especially seeing how radiant and youthful she looked twelve years ago, when everything was fine, and they were a happy, comfortable family.

Such twists of life.

“Mom, I’m home” he whispered, unlocking the door as quietly as he could. He had spare keys to the house- that was something everyone encouraged him to do, in case his mother got wild and locked herself inside, or maybe if she was dying and…

Only one time did Rooney ever consider euthanasia. And he didn’t eat anything for days after then. Instead, he started to frequently visit one bar at a corner of the street in the afternoon and there, he drank himself to stupor until 9pm, because he hated himself for thinking about helping his mother to die.

For letting the thought stay in him.

For considering if it was a good idea.

She shouldn’t die. She needn’t die.

“Mom?” He called, even though he was certain he was not getting any response. Still, he shivered within him. Being already twenty six and strongly built didn’t help his apprehension.

He walked into the bedroom first, after passing by the living room and as usual, the door was left open.

There on the bed she lay, on her stomach scrunched up in a corner, lifeless except that she still breathed.

“Mom, I’m here. Your son is here ” Still, she didn’t move. If thieves raided this place, she definitely would let them.

He suddenly began to regret moving to New York nine years ago.

Rooney rubbed her hand, and turned her over so that she was laying on her back now. Her body was warm and stiff.

“How are you? I came back to check on you” he said, faintly hoping for a response even if it was only a nod. But she was there, unmoving. He could swear that she had forgotten to blink too.

“Mom.. I… I love you. I love you very much” With that, she blinked. For the very first time since he entered this godforsaken old mansion with a dying woman.

“I loved my father too- your husband..” he paused to see if that affected her but she was still.

“I know you loved him too, and probably still do” he shut up for a few seconds when she turned towards the wall and gobbled, before landing a generous amount of spit on it.

“I love you so much that I will never think to harm you or hate you, even if you sent me to prison, although I know that can not happen.

My point is, I don’t care what has happened in the past, as long as it’s in the past, I can’t blame you for it” he paused again for effect. “We are humans and we all make mistakes. We shouldn’t kill ourselves out of too much guilt”

With that, Lucy Wayne sat up and looked her son in the eye. Rooney tried to study her features and he could still see the beauty lying underneath all that wrinkly, exhausted eyes.

She opened her mouth ready to say something and he nudged her, as if his whole existence depended on what would come out of her mouth.