Holding on to you

Eight more weeks until graduation, eight weeks more until I’m free of all the stupid people God ever created. I swear high school is where you meet all of the dumbest people in your life.

I couldn’t wait to go to college, I wasn’t completely sure what it was that I wanted to do in college, but I just knew that I wanted to go. Killian, on the other hand, was different. He knew exactly what he wanted to do, he even had offers from a lot of well-recognised colleges, but he said that he wasn’t deciding until I made up my mind. Talk about pressure.

“Lil, come on or we’ll be late!”

I grabbed my backpack and followed Jessy out of the classroom. It was the end of the school day and we were instructed to meet Killian and Mik outside of school.

After the whole mess that took place when Mik got shot, Jessy has been staying with us. Mik was afraid that once his enemies found out that he was not dead, they’d come after him and those that he loved.

It was a surprise to me when I found out that Jessy and Mik had been seeing each other, I thought that she had feelings for Jason. When she told me that she thought she did, but with Mik, the feelings were more intense, I knew exactly what she meant.

Her relationship with Mik made me a bit wary, but I didn’t let myself dwell on it too much because I was just glad to have my best friend back.

“I’m coming, I’m coming! You’d think we’re going too late for something important.”

She looked at me and rolled her eyes, I laughed then grabbed her hand and started heading out of the classroom. When we were in the hall, I saw Jason standing talking to Kinsley. I couldn’t make out what they were saying, but he looked upset and Kinsley was trying to get him to calm down.

Jessy noticed them too, we both stopped and looked at each other, whatever was going on between Kinsley and Jason, we didn’t like it. It wasn’t that we thought that Jason was hitting on her, we just didn’t want Killian or Mik hitting on him, literally.

We started walking towards them, bumping into students who were on their way home as well. As we got close we overheard a bit of their conversation before they notice us and stopped talking.

“No, Kins, it’s not happening, I’m sorry.”

Kinsley raised her hand as if she was going to touch him, but the dropped it back to her side.

“Why not, Jas, it’s not like―”

She stopped talking and looked at us, a guilty look past over her face before she replaced it with a smile. Jason turned to look at us as well.NôvelD(ram)a.ôrg owns this content.

“You guys ready to leave?”

I could tell that she was trying to deter us from asking what the hell she and Jason were talking about, but I wasn’t buying it.

“Yeah, just as soon as you tell us what the hell is going on between you two?”

Both of them just looked at each other, it was like they were arguing with their eyes. Jason was the first one to talk.

“Look, Lilly, it’s not what you think―”

“It had better not be what I think.” I cut him off.

“It’s not,” he continued, “Kinsley was assigned as my tutor, but I told her it’s ok, I’ll find someone else.”

I saw Kinsley relax, and I wasn’t all too sure if I bought his excuse, but since it looked like the only one I was going to get, I let it go.

“Guys, come on, we gotta go.”

Jessy tugged on my sleeve. Jason looked over at her and she turned away to avoid his eyes. I didn’t know why she didn’t just forgive him and moved on like I did, but she insisted on keeping him at arm’s length.

“Jess, can we talk, please?”

She kept her head turned away and proceeded to ignore him. I pinch her, causing her to turn and glare at me, but I didn’t care. I wanted my two best friends to be best friends again.

“Talk to him.” I pleaded.

“You might have forgiven him, but I’m still mad at him for what he said to me, so until I’ve gotten over it then I will talk to him.”

She let go of my hand and started walking towards the exit. I became aware that once Killian saw Jessy without me, he’ll get worried and come in to get me, and the last thing I wanted was for him to see me talking to Jason. There no telling what he might do to him.

“We’ve gotta go, Kins, you know how your brother gets.”

She nodded and said goodbye to Jason.

“Don’t worry about Jessy, she’ll come around soon.”

I didn’t want him to feel like he’s lost both of his best friends, I wished I could have stayed and talked to him longer, but I knew I couldn’t risk it.

I turned to leave with Kinsley following behind me but stopped walking when Jason asked me a question I never thought that he’d ask me.

“Do you love him?”

My mouth opened to answer him but then closed again, I glanced nervously at the door, I knew I was running out of time. Kinsley saw my panic and decided to give me some help.

“You stay and talk, I’ll handle my brother, but you’ve only got five minutes.”

I nodded my thanks and she smiled and hurried out of the door. The hall was almost empty, so Jason and I had a lot of privacy. I wasn’t too sure if I liked it, if Killian were to talk in, the scene would look too intimate.

“Do you love him, Lilly?”

I could lie to him, there no way he would have known the truth, but because he deserved it, I told him.

“Yes, I love him.”

His face took on a hurt look before he schooled it. However, he looked at me like it was the first time he was seeing me like I was a stranger to him.

“How can you love him? How can you, after knowing what he did to Harvey and Leo? He killed them, Lilly!”

His voice rose at the last part and the few remaining students turned to look at us with curious gazes.

“You don’t know that he did, there’s no proof that it was him!”

I felt horrible for lying, but I couldn’t have him going around telling people that Killian was responsible for Leo and Harvey’s death.

“Stop lying to yourself, Lilly. You know as much as I do that he did it, and the only reason I haven’t gone to the cops as yet is because of you. I just want to see you happy.”

I moved closer to him, I wasn’t sure how long I was talking to him for, but I knew that my five minutes were running out.

“I am happy, Jas. I’m sorry it didn’t work out with us, but it wasn’t meant to be… we weren’t meant to be.”

He nodded, understanding sinking in. I still loved him, I’d always love him, but it was nothing compared to what I felt for Kilian. Jason was my first true love, but Killian is the last and only love of my life.

“I’m glad you’re happy, Lilly.”

I smiled at him then hugged him, I was about to pull away but he held on tighter and whispered in my ear,

“I’ll always love you, Lilly.”

I hugged him back just the same, “I’ll always love you too.”

“Is that so?”

My body stiffened, and I pulled away from Jason so fast I stumbled, but before I could have touched the floor, Killian caught me. He brought me up against him in a possessive way. I looked up into his eyes and I saw the bitter anger that was a complete juxtaposition to the sweet smile on his face.

He brought his lips to my cheeks and kissed it tenderly, but instead of pulling away, he whispered softly in my ear

“What’s your name, baby?”

I didn’t understand where he was going with his question, but I answered it anyway.

“Lilly Mae Black.”

His hands tightened painfully around me, causing me to whimper.

“That’s right, baby, now tell me, what are you to me?”

I squeaked the answer, “Your Wife.”

He pulled back and looked into my eyes, but the smile was gone and on his face was a deadly look.

“Do you know what that means, baby? It means that you are mine, I own you, you belong to me. Everything about you belongs to me, even the f**king words that come out of your mouth!”

I cringed at the tone of his voice and jumped back. I didn’t mean to, but he was scaring me with the way he was looking at me. I felt Jason hands on my waist and from the look on Killian’s face, I knew that shit was about to go down. I quickly tried to get out of Jason’s hold but he insisted on protecting me, little did he know that I wasn’t the one who needed protecting.

“Jas, let me go, please.”

He shoved me behind him when Killian started walking towards us. I tried to get out from behind him but he kept blocking my escape.

“Lilly, stay back, I’m not going to let him hurt you.”

“I’m not the one he’s going to hurt!” I screamed.

Just as Killian reached him, I managed to get out from behind Jason and I threw myself into Killian’s arms. He was breathing hard, and his heart was beating fast, as soon as I touched him his hands closed around me and he held onto to me like he was afraid that he was going to lose me.

He instantly calms down, but his eyes were plastered on Jason. Dragging his eyes away from Jason, he looked at me and brush my hair away from my face. The act was so gentle, a complete contrast from the violence I knew was boiling inside of him. He cupped the back of my head and kissed me, then he pulled away and pushed me gently towards the door.

“Baby, go wait in the car with Jessy and Kinsley, I’ll be out in a minute to take you home.”

Like hell, I was going to wait in the car whiles he beat the crap out of Jason for loving me.

“Killian, please let’s leave together, please it wasn’t what it looked like. We were just talking, that’s all.”

His jaw twitched and he clenched his teeth.

“Red, get the f**k in the car, NOW!”

I jumped but shook my head at him. I know that no matter what he’s never hurt me, but I couldn’t say the same for Jason.

“Lilly, just leave. I don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”

I wanted to kick Jason for talking, I was trying to save his life and he was making it worse. I was about to tell him to shut up, but Killian beat me to it.

“Shut the f**k up, you don’t get to ever talk to her!”

“Listen, dude, I don’t care who the hell you are, but Lilly deserves to be treated better than the way you treat her.”

The idiot was going to get himself killed, and there was nothing I could do about it. I wish he would just shut up and let me do all the talking.

“You don’t know f**k about how I treat her!!”

Killian was getting angrier; I could tell by the darkening of his eyes and the way he was clenching and unclenching his fist. I knew Jason saw it as well, but he chose to ignore it and chose instead to challenge Killian.

“Yeah, well if you were treating her good, she wouldn’t have felt the need to run from you to me.”

I gasped, staring at Jason, I couldn’t believe he’d say something like that. I was going to tell him to take it back, but I never got the chance because Killian moved past me and punched him in his face, causing him to fall to the floor.

He was ready to pick him up and finish off beating him, but I jumped in front of him. Jason might have said something stupid but he didn’t deserve to die because of it.

“Killian, stop, please!”

I held onto him, refusing to let go, I could tell that he wanted to really hurt Jason, by the way, he kept growling and staring death daggers at him, but I wasn’t about to let him.

“Baby, please, let’s just go.”

I held his face between my palms and pleaded with him.

“I want to go home with you, baby, please.”

His eyes soften, he took my hand and we walked towards the door, but before we went through it, I turned around and mouthed, “I’m sorry.”

We were halfway to the car, Jessy and Mik were standing beside it talking. She was laughing like she had no care in the world, and for a moment I envied her. It was clear that Mik loved her, you could see it in the way he looked at her, in the way he smiles at her, or even the way he touched her.

They turned when they saw us coming, both their smiles still in place, but then I saw Jessy’s eyes widen and Mik reached for his gun. They were looking at something behind us so I turned, and Killian did too.

There was barely any time to react to what was happening, Jason’s face was full of rage as he launched at Killian with a knife in his hand. I know what I did was stupid, and deadly, but all I could think about was, ‘he’s going to kill him’. So, I moved in front of Killian just as Jason plunged the knife forward.

The first thing I felt was this burning pain, and my skin being ripped open, which was followed by liquid lava burning me up from the inside. People were screaming around me, but I could barely make out what they were saying, my eyes were still on Jason who was looking at me with complete horror. I felt my clothes sticking to me and I glanced down to see red everywhere when I looked up again Killian was beating the crap out of Jason with Mik trying to stop him.

I tried to move, I wanted him to know that Jason didn’t mean it, but moving made it worse and I screamed, dropping to my knees then to the ground.

My eyes started closing, but I could make out Jessy and Kinsley who were kneeling beside me crying. Killian moved them away and scooped me up in his arms, the pain was easing and I was starting to feel numb. A coldness started seeping to bones and my breathing began to get shallow.

My eyes felt very heavy and this overwhelming tiredness overtook me, and as much as I tried to fight it, I couldn’t. Killian was saying something, and I had to fight to hear it, but when I did, it gave me the strength to hold on.

“No, baby, don’t close your eyes. Don’t you dare close your f**king eyes!”

I’ve never seen Killian looked so worried before, and that’s when I knew that it was bad. I tried to lift my hand to touched his face but I was too weak.

“I called the ambulance, they’re five minutes out.”

Mik rested his hand on Killian’s shoulders to calm him, but he just shrugged it off and continued talking to me.

“You heard that, baby? They’re just five minutes away, just keep those beautiful eyes of yours opened for me until then, baby please.”

I tried but I could do it, I wanted to tell him that I was sorry but I could barely move my lips.

Just as my eyes were closing Killian started yelling.

“LILLY PLEASE! Baby, don’t… don’t make me live without you. God, baby! I’M NOT ABOUT TO F**KING LIVE IN THIS F**KED UP WORLD WITHOUT YOU!!!”

My eyes closed, but I was still able to faintly hear what was going on around me. The sirens of the ambulances kept me from falling completely under. People were yelling and rushing around me, but Killian’s voice was the one I heard the strongest, as he refused to hand me over to the medics

“I’m not f**king losing her!!”

“Sir, you have to let us do our work, your girlfriend is bleeding out, she needs our help.”

His hold on me loosen and the medics took over.

“She’s my wife, not my girlfriend, and I’m coming with you, I’m not going to let her out of my sight.”

After that everything went black and I embraced it.