Hatred With Benefits

F I F T Y - N I N E

EVA.

"Thank you. " I say to the man behind the wheels before I get out of the car and throw my bag over my This content © Nôv/elDr(a)m/a.Org.

shoulder. My chest falls in a sigh as my eyes move to the spot where Emerson's car is parked, and I

know he's inside.

I take deep breaths to keep myself under control before I walk up to the front door.

When I walk through the door, Emerson is standing behind the couch with his eyes on me, still in his

same attire from school.

"Hey, " he throws me a smile as he leans away from the couch and I shut the door behind me before I

respond to his greeting, "Hey. "

Silence swims around us and I try not to note the fact that the silence is tensed as Emerson walks up to

me. He lifts his hand to my shoulder and moves my bag from there, tossing it to the side before he

rests his hands on my shoulders.

"How are you feeling?" He questions softly, gazes resting on mine.

"How am I supposed to feel?" I arch a brow and if Emerson is disappointed by my response, he doesn't

show it as he drops his hands from my shoulders and lets them fall to his side.

"We need to talk. " Of course we do. It can't be ignored for long no matter what.

"Talk about what?" I ask him with a blank stare and he says, "You know what, Carson. Don't play dumb

with me. I've had enough of the cold shoulder. "

"Why'd you think I'm giving you a cold shoulder?" I let out a chuckle and Emerson's hard expression

remains unfazed as he speaks, "Because you are. I can feel your annoyance from where I stand. "

Letting the smile fall from my face, I say, "Okay, Emerson. Let's talk. "

"Why are you so bothered about Paige?" The question falls from his mouth as if I'm not supposed to

be. As if I'm wrong for feeling this way, and it fucking enrages me. When I held back, he said to let

myself feel and when I let myself feel, he's fucking questioning me? Putting on lines on what I am and

I'm not supposed to fucking feel?

"Are you honestly asking me that? " A scoff slips through my parted lips and Emerson nods, keeping on

a straight face. "I'm asking you because I don't understand. Why are you worried when I assured you

it's nothing?"

"You are fucking with me right now, " I tell him "Seriously, are you that dumb, Ford? Or you're just

pretending to be? Don't you get it? She feels for you, Emerson. She fucking wants you as more than

just a friend, and I don't get why you're ignoring that!"

"I'm ignoring that because what she feels for me doesn't matter! I don't care how Paige feels for me or

if she wants more than just friendship with me! The only thing that matters– the only thing that should

matters is my fucking feelings and you know where that lies, Eva. " He raises his voice, his tone

matching mine.

"So I should be alright with you being friends with a woman who wants more from you just because you

don't feel the same way?"

"Eva—" he drawls in a tired voice, but I don't let him finish before I interrupt him. "No, Emerson. Answer

me. Should I? Would you? If it were me, would you be able to handle it? To be friends with a guy I've

once slept with just because I let him know we don't have a chance?"

"That isn't the same. " He voices out, irritation creeping into his tone and he matches it with a scowl on

his face.

"It's the same! It's the fucking same so why don't tell me your answer, Emerson? Should I go ahead

and be friends with one of them? Or maybe I should start going out with Dan—"

Emerson's edgy voice silences the rest of my words "Shut it. Don't go there, Eva. Don't. "

"That's what I thought. You think this is alright because you aren't the other person. " I let out a

distressed laugh.

"God, Eva, it's more than fucking that! I wouldn't be doing this without a damn reason! Why the fuck

don't you trust me? Why are you so insecure? Why the fuck do you think I'll cheat on you with her?" His

loud voice only makes my frustration grows the more.

"Because you're doing everything that points towards that! I'm not being insecure, I'm being fucking

real here! " I snap, my breath coming out in short pants with my chest falling and rising rapidly. The

rage within me only thrives further with each word from Emerson and he doesn't stop either.

"And what the fuck have I done? Have you seen me hold her hand? Have you seen me kiss her? Have

you caught me fucking her?" He asks as though I'm a fool.

"Do I have to wait for all those things to happen before you realize it's not alright?" I let out an amused

laugh.

"Hell, " he shakes his head and takes a step back, turning his face away from me. When he turns back

to me, his voice comes out gentle compared to his other words. "What do you want me to do then? Do

you want me to stop being friends with her? Do you want me to march up with her and tell her to stay

away from me because I'm with you now?"

"I didn't say any of those. " I lower my voice, looking away from him.

"Then what the fuck are you saying, Eva? What the fuck do you want?" When I don't give him a

response, he strides closer to me and stops feet away. "I would have, though. " I raise my head to meet

his eyes, and they hold warmth. Enough warmth to calm the raging bull that threatens to force its way

out within me by a fraction. "I would have cut off a friend if it hurts you or makes you have doubts about

me, but this is different. Paige is different. "

Giving no response still, Emerson continues, "I told you she's more than you think because I know her.

I know what lies beneath the surface. She's been through things too, Eva. Things that got hard on her,

but she trusted me with them. She trusts me to be there for her, Eva. That's why I can't just ignore her

now. I would have if you wanted if that reason wasn't there. "

He pauses and steps closer. His hands drop to my arms, and he strokes up and down as he speaks,

"I'm not doing this because I want you to worry about me and Paige, Eva. I'm doing this because it's

the least I can do for her. Because I know how it feels to be all alone in the world, without someone to

hold your hand and assure you everything will be fine. I'm doing this because I consider Paige a friend,

and I don't want her to go through what she once went through. "

"You could have told me that. " My voice comes out small, cutting through the tension that floats around

us.

"You didn't give me a chance to explain. " Emerson reminds me of that fact, and I say, "You didn't

chase after me either. "

"Is that what you wanted? For me to chase after you? Would you have listened if I chased after you?"

He lifts a brow, his hand moving higher and his touch sends needed sparks of calmness through me.

"No. But I would have been smitten. " I say and he smiles. "And there goes my reason. I know you're

stubborn, Carson and I know you won't talk if you don't want to. Besides, I was waiting for you right

here. Don't you consider that something?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. " I raise a shoulder, a smile threatening to break through.

"So will you give me an answer to my question from this morning?" He lifts one of his hands from my

shoulder and presses it to my face. I push into his touch and lock my hands around his neck before I

speak, "I'm not sure, but you're on the right path. "

I hum when he caresses my cheek with his thumb, closing my eyes to the feel of his hand on my skin.

When I open them, they meet his gorgeous orbs and the emotions they seem to hold in them send a

shiver down my spine.

"I'm in love with you. You're the first woman I'll ever be in love with. The woman I'll always be in love

with, and the last woman I'll ever be in love with. " His words make my heart jump in my chest, racing

without a stop and I'm sure he's able to listen to the fast beats.

"You sound so sure of those words when the night is still young, Emerson. "

He grabs my hand from his neck and places it on his chest, letting me feel the soft thumps of his heart

against my palm. "I told you; I don't speak when I haven't admitted it to myself, but once I do; I don't

hide it either. I'm in love with you, Diva. "

"Diva? Is that a new name for me?" I raise an amused brow and my hand flatten against his chest as

he leans forward to press his lips to mine and just the brush of his tender lips is enough to make me

groan in satisfaction.

"Yes. My good girl. My Diva. You're the only one, Eva. Always. " He whispers when he pulls back, and

the familiar heat begins to soar in my lower belly.

"You can stop with the flatteries now. " I try to hold back my smile, but I fail, matching the one on his

face.

Emerson drops his second hand to my waist and his tone sounds apologetic as he says, "I'm sorry for

raising my voice on you. I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry, Diva. So fucking sorry. You matter the most, Eva,

and I'll never intentionally put myself in a position to lose you or hurt you. "

"Apology not accepted. " I tease him, turning my lips in a frown and Emerson says, "What do I have to

do? Tell me and I'll do it. "

"I don't know. Let's see..." I tilt my head in a thinking gesture before I drop it back to his view and say.

"You can start with a kiss, and we'll pick up from there. "