Babel Novel
Chapter 5
EVERLY
To: Hardy Hopper
From: Everly PlumTêxt © NôvelDrama.Org.
Subject: The Meeting
Hey Hardy,
Wanted to reach out and see how everything went with the meeting. I didn’t get to touch base with you after because I had another appointment, but wanted to make sure I covered everything you were looking for.
I believe with the parties being joint, it will be a lot easier to get you more involved with Maple. And if you have any ideas for Ken’s portion of the bachelor party, let me know, as I’d be more than happy to go over them.
Thank you,
Everly
To: Everly Plum
From: Hardy Hopper
Subject: RE: The Meeting
Hey Professor,
I thought the meeting went great actually. Did you notice Polly’s reluctance about getting me involved? She really doesn’t want me to disturb Maple, so this is why you’re key. Establishing some commonality with her, then getting to know her, then feeling out how she feels about me will be ideal. Then with that information, I’ll know if I should pursue her.
I appreciate you doing this for me. I’m going to owe you big time. Do you like presents? I’m an excellent present giver.
Hardy
To: Hardy Hopper
From: Everly Plum
Subject: Professor?
Hardy,
Did you really call me professor? Is that because of your Professor Plum reference? Not sure how I feel about that. If you have a nickname for me, don’t you think I should have a nickname for you?
Also, I like presents. And I don’t think you’re a better gift giver than I am. No one is. Sorry to burst your bubble.
Everly
To: Everly Plum
From: Hardy Hopper
Subject: RE: Professor?
Professor,
You are in fact right, the name comes from Professor Plum and, to be honest, I think it fits nicely. You came into that meeting like you owned that entire coffee house, like you could school anyone in the place, so to speak. Take no prisoners, right down to business. It was impressive. Also, I don’t think we should call them nicknames, because what’s really going on is you’re going undercover for me, so I think we should consider them codenames.
And the gift giving thing…no way are you better. Ever gift anyone a boat before? Because I have.
10–4, over and out,
Hardy Har Har
(^^ My code name, do you like it?)
To: Hardy Hopper
From: Everly Plum
Subject: RE: Professor?
Umm…no.
No to Hardy Har Har.
That was terrible. Granted, it made me snort, but it’s terrible. I’m not going to be in cahoots with someone who goes by Hardy Har Har. Do better.
And do you really think as a twenty-two-year-old, I’ve gifted someone a boat? Yeah, that didn’t happen. But I don’t have to flaunt my money to be a good gift giver—it’s about the small things…Hardy Har Har. The thoughtful gifts. Maybe give that some thought.
Everly
To: Everly Plum
From: Hardy Hopper
Subject: Best Gift Giver
Oh, I know that it’s the thought that counts and cash can’t buy everything, but sometimes, when you need to buy a boat for someone, the cash does help.
And it hurts me that you didn’t like Hardy Har Har. I thought it was clever, but I can’t anger my partner in crime, so I guess I’ll change it…to…Clod.
Clod Hopper.
Clodhopper.
Because, you know, Hardy HOPPER.
Now, that’s clever.
And before you ask, yes, I can be very clumsy. Just ask my ranch hand who got a poke in the ass with a pitchfork one time. *raises hand* Guilty.
Clod
To: Hardy Hopper
From Everly Plum
Subject: RE: Best Gift Giver
Clod is just as terrible as Hardy Har Har. I don’t want to judge you, but you’re not giving me much of a choice.
Also, how much of a poke with a pitchfork are we talking here? Did you draw blood? Did you pierce skin? Is there still a mark? Did he get you back? More details are needed.
And finally…I was wondering why you changed the subject of the email only to have a parcel dropped off at my table while I was sitting at The Bean, working. Don’t get me started on how you even knew where I was, but I’m currently holding a purple game piece token that is very familiar. The kind of token you’d find in the game Clue. Did you happen to send me a Professor Plum game piece?
Everly
To: Everly Plum
From: Hardy Hopper
Subject: You’re Welcome
I won’t name my sources of how I know your whereabouts, but I figured there was a slim chance you would be there when the parcel was sent. Glad it worked out for me.
And yes, that is a Professor Plum token from Clue, but don’t tell Hudson I took it from his game. I hope you hold this gift in high regard. Goes to show that I don’t need money to be the best gift giver. Just a quick hand while stealing from my brother.
As for the pitchfork incident, I can’t go into much detail, but I will say this. A trip to the hospital was involved, so I’ll let your imagination do the rest.
And since you didn’t like Clod, and you seem to be very picky, I’m going to let you choose my codename. That way there are no complaints and we can move forward with our espionage. Here are your options:
Colonel Mustard—no resemblance to the man or condiment, but if I could grow a mustache like him, I would.
Miss Scarlett—because just like her, I’m young, cunning, and very attractive. (And yes, thirties is still young, despite what you might think in your twenty-one years of age)
Henrietta Peacock—because if anything, peacocks are just as majestic as flamingos and I think I need to be one with the bird to complete this mission we’re on. Don’t you think?
Take your pick.
Hardy
To: Hardy Hopper
From: Everly Plum
Subject: Henrietta
I think you know what I’ve chosen, not because you need to be one with the birds, but because I’m telling myself if you were a lady, you would be Henrietta Hopper, and nothing sounds better in my head than that.
So, you’re welcome.
And as my first act as the professor, I sent an introduction email to Maple who will be referred to as Syrup from here on out. I told Syrup to take her time getting back to me so when I hear from her, I’ll let you know. I want to get planning soon, but I don’t want to be pushy.
Lastly, I think it might be best if we observe Syrup in her natural environment. I’d like to know what I’m dealing with and some insight from you would be best. If I’m not mistaken, she should be in town by now starting her new job. Care for a trip to the zoo?
The Prof
To: Everly Plum
From: Hardy Hopper
Subject: RE: Henrietta
And that is why your name is The Professor, because you’re incredibly smart.
Yes, I think a zoo trip is needed. How does tomorrow work for you? Meet at the front around noon?
Come disguised, because we must wander undetected.
Over and out,
Henrietta
I shutmy computer screen and stare out the window of the coffee shop, my mind whirling.
What on earth did I just get myself into?
I’m headed to the zoo with the man I’m crushing on, to get some intel on his ex-girlfriend so I can help him hook up with her?
While wearing a disguise?
And acting like I’m really happy and excited to be in this position?
I’ll have to act like I want nothing more than for Hardy and Maple to be a match made in heaven where they ride off into the sunset, hand in hand, a charming rainbow arching over their heart-eyed heads.
Dear God, Everly, is this really where we are at?
Seems like it.
I let out a heavy, confused, and balled-up sigh.
The only question I have left to ask myself is…what the heck am I going to wear as a disguise?