A Lifetime With You by Athrhteera

Alena

The drive was long and tiring so when I had reached the villa, all I could do was lay down on the king-sized bed.

My eyes were swollen from crying throughout the whole drive which made it even harder to keep them open. Memories of our marriage kept replaying in my head and I had regretted my impulsive decision but I kept going, wanting to leave it all behind. At least for the time being. Luckily enough I was s still

on maternity leave because if not, I was going to risk my career too. A career I had worked hard for was not worth risking; despite my current mental health issues. I looked up at my hands, feeling them oddly light without the two rings.

I had somehow gotten used to wearing them, that somehow it felt empty now.

Just like that, the tears began to fall again. The sobs used to be quiet but now I didn't have to hide them anymore as they filled the quiet room.

I didn't know where else to go other than our vacation villa which was located seven hours away from our home-it felt far enough yet somehow safe. This villa was always empty, we only occasionally stop by whenever we wanted to be away from the city but the last time we went, we had filled the villa with beautiful memories.

My hands soothed the sheets, somehow they smelled like home.

I couldn't understand the main reason behind all of this but I knew I wanted my own time alone, further else.

When the time came, I was going to home.

go

I just didn't know where home was anymore.

away from anyone

As I closed my eyes, I remembered back to when Matteo had brought me here. He carried me all the way from the car to the front door, in bridal style. We felt like newlyweds even when we had been married for months at the time.

The way he kissed my lips and showered me with his love; he was always perfect.

also remembered when he took care of me when I was sick. Those rough nights with high fever that I had to be admitted to the emergency, not once did he leave my side. He had stayed beside me the whole night, holding my hand until he fell asleep. I realised I how hard

hard it was to love me. Yet, he pushed through and made it seemed so easy.

Throughout my first trimester was hard but he made the journey bearable. Every morning was the worst because I couldn't stop going to the bathroom to throw everything up, yet he soothed and comforted me. He fulfilled my cravings. He understood my mood swings. I was blessed with a good husband. Why was I throwing it all away?

My heart ached at the thought of losing Matteo. We were never apart ever since we got married. Now, I was convincing myself we just needed a bit of time away until we could think straight, without hurting each other.

I knew if I told him the reason why, he was never going to let me leave.

I knew if I had expressed my feelings, he was only going to want to be with me more.

114

This was a healing journey of my own until I could find peace within. It didn't mind how long it was going to take for me to find it but I wanted to come back stronger and better, where Matteo and I could be ourselves again.

I hated every time i hurt him. I hated every time I went against him.

I knew the sufferings he went through before me and I never wanted to put him through the same. He deserved so much more than pain.

It took me awhile to realise I had fallen asleep with my own tears.

The only thing that woke me up in the morning was the loud knocking on the front door. I had taken my time to walk down the stairs and glanced at the glass window but the figure outside had taken me by surprise-it was none other than my own mother.

I sighed, pulling the door open.

Mama looked at me in disgust, taking in my appearance. Truth be told, I didn't need to look in the mirror to see how much of a mess I was. I spent hours driving on my own, crying and I didn't even take my time to 'shower once I reached here. So, yes, I knew I looked horrible.

"You don't look like yourself, dear." Mama said, stepping in.

"How did you find me?" I asked, closing the door behind her.

"I have my ways."

"Shit-"

She cut me off before I could say the words, "Don't worry, it's just me. Matteo doesn't know,"

I let out a breath of relief.

"Let it be that way."

it

"What is going with you

two?"

Still

"Still doesn't explain why you're here, Mama. Still doesn't explain how you found me." I shrugged, making my way towards the kitchen with her trailing behind me.

It was pretty obvious there was no food in the kitchen. We hadn't thought on restocking anything here because we knew they were only going to spoil-I was supposed to stop by the grocery store before coming here. At least I could eat something in the morning. Maybe, for as long as I was going to be here. As long as Matteo remained oblivious.

"Your brother has placed a tracker in your car. That's how I found you," she replied. "Seems more psychotic than my husband."

"For a family like us, it's only for the sake of our safety."

I took a sip of water before sitting on the stool, ignoring my mother's stare. Knowing her well enough, she had a lot to say but she was trying hard not to burst. She had a lot to ask as well. "Matteo and your father are looking everywhere for you." Mama added, grabbing my hand before caressing the back of it.

"Did

Did you tell them? Did Alexei tell them?"

No.

09.

He listens to his Mama," she replied..

Fri, Oct 25

Just

like

that, the tears began to form again and she immediately wrapped her arms around my body. I hadn't felt the warmth of her body in awhile and how much I had missed her touch, regardless of how far I went. She was always my mother, the one who understood me the most. "Why is this happening to me, Mama?" I asked, sobbing.

"Shh, don't question it like that, sweetheart. You're my strong girlRêAd lat𝙚St chapters at Novel(D)ra/ma.Org Only

girls don't breakdown."

Jng girls breakdown all the time. How you come back is what matters,"

"I miss him." I muttered, knowing well enough I meant Marco.

Mama rubbed my back, trying to soothe and comfort me. She didn't have to ask to know it was Marco I meant. Mama was the most excited after Matteo when she heard about my pregnancy and she had planned many things. Of course, when I had lost Marco, she was the most disappointed as well. Then again,

she

knew things like this could happen to anyone and she never blamed me for my angel baby. She knew Marco had came from heaven and he belonged in heaven.

"We all do, sweetheart. We all miss him," she responded.

My heart continued to ache, hating the fact I could never hold my son ever again.

"Don't tell Matteo I'm here,"

"How long do you plan on staying here?"

"For as long as I need."

Mama sighed, "He worries about you."

"I know. I just can't be around him for now."

"He's your husband, my love. Why do you have to say that?"

Shook r

"I know. I just don't want to have him around for now. I'll just hurt him even more and I don't want that, Mama."

my head, "

all the time, right? I can keep you company," she smiled.

let me

let visit you all

I nodded, "I'd love that."

I nod

Mama continued to hug me until it made me feel slightly better. I didn't want her to pull away either because I enjoyed the comfort; I felt as if Mama could understand me most when it came to losing a child, even though Mama had never went through that. She was a mother. She knew how mothers felt.

We spent the day together watching movies. We didn't bother to leave the house to buy groceries to cook so we decided to

husband. order in-spending time together without interruptions. My phone hadn't stop ringing ever since I woke up but I had turned it off, not wanting to receive another call from my

Mama, on the other hand, didn't like my action. However, she respected it.

I felt guilty for doing that because I knew Matteo was suffering. Yet, at times like these, I needed to put myself first before anyone else.

I needed to stop thinking about anything else and focus on myself.

Mama and I laughed at the movie as we enjoyed our food. It was our third movie of the day and for once in my life, it felt nice not to do anything. I felt at peace for being able to relax and enjoy even though I knew once Mama left, I was going to cry again. It was my problem for later. Hours had passed and it took me awhile to realise it had gotten dark.

It was also time for Mama to leave-she had an early flight to London so she wasn't going to be coming for the next couple of days. Even though she had offered to cancel her trip to London and stay the next few days with me, I couldn't let her do that.

She was going to London with her friends to have fun and she deserved it. They had planned it for awhile, she didn't have to cancel for my sake.

"I love you, sweetheart." Mama kissed my forehead before entering the car, her own personal chauffeur drove away afterwards.

I was left all by myself again, feeling lonely.