A Graduation Gift

Chapter 74 The Smile In Distress Is The Bitterest

So can you tell me what kind of animal is a deer?

The encyclopedia says, The deer is an even-toed ungulate. They are mammals that belonged to the Cervidae family. Typical characteristics among deers include long, powerful legs, a diminutive tail, and etc. The males tend to be larger than the females, generally, and in most species, only males possess antlers. There is a wide diversity of deers and according to legends, those deers pulling Santa Claus' sleigh are called elks.

He was beginning to entertain the idea that Cassandra was more like a deer, and he found it interesting. Yet he was at a loss of words to comment.

On the back of his mind, he searched for images of the deer he had seen and looked at Cassandra at the same time. Doing so made his perception even stronger, indeed Cassandra resembled a deer—a graceful and elegant one.

Drowned by the noise of the bustling crowd, he raised his voice and shouted out to Cassandra, "See you later! Miss Deer!"

Without turning back, Cassandra placed her hands on her head, imitating the antlers of a deer.

Her silly respond caused him to draw a sweet smile. Looking down at the business card, he couldn't help but keep on repeating her name on his mind, "Cassandra Qin, Cassandra..."

Cassandra, on the other hand, didn't look back, as her tears had begun to streak down her delicate face.

She didn't like the idea of crying in front of a stranger. The tears came so suddenly and so unexpected that all she wanted was to be somewhere far from that place.

Having such a shallow tears, she cried at the thought of the deer. She had once watched a documentary about deers.

In the documentary, deer usually inhabited the vast forest.

As beautiful and mild as they were, they were timid but alert at all times.

Poaching the deer's coat had endangered majority of its species. In order to get the deer's beautiful fur, poachers exerted a variety of extremely brutal means.

The most brutal one was to take advantage of the deer's kindness.

The poachers would first hunt a fawn or a baby deer so as to lure the adult deer they wanted to kill. The fawn would serve as the bait to catch the bigger deer.

The deer would be allowed to come near the fawn before finally shot to death.

Cassandra closed her eyes to stop the tears from falling, yet the tears won't stop.

Her heart sympathized the deer. Just like a helpless deer, she was set up by her own sister.

The fawn this time was so dear to her that the moment she caught sight of it, she immediately drew near. She had no idea that there were poachers lurking around the corner waiting to shoot her.

Yet for the deer, its death would be simpler. Whilst on Cassandra's case it was more complicated. The fawns laid in front of her gave her no choice. They all lead to certain death.

She had no options - she was forced to live with Grace Zhang in the small town when she was young; sadly when she grew into a lovely lady, she had to marry Lionel who she didn't love, and become unexpectedly attached to Rufus in an affair, and worst of all, be deeply hurt by Cloris, her own sister.

Why on earth would all the betrayal and misery happen to her? What had she done to deserve all these?

Suddenly, a surge of nostalgia swept over her. She missed the seaside town badly. In that sparsely- populated small town, the salty sea wind kept her company over the whole span of her childhood. Whenever she dreamed of that place, she could always smell the salty tone of the seawater in the wind, as if calling her to come home.

Grace Zhang had passed away a couple of years ago. Since her death, Cassandra had never gone back to that place. For her, Grace's death was not just a loss of a second mother or a friend, it was a loss of a part of her soul.

She was totally perplexed on how fate had been so cruel with her all this time.

"What would I do to free myself from all these burdens?" she wondered.

Walking with a troubled head and a heavy heart, she had no idea that she was being followed by Rufus.

In a distant he was watching her desolate look, her engaging conversation with the stranger, and her bitter tears covering her face as she was plodding in the crowd.

Rufus felt sorry for her. He didn't want to see her in such a miserable situation.

He wanted to run to catch up with her and give her a big, warm, and reassuring hug. He wanted to be with her and walk with her in the bitter cold of the winter day.

She was so sad that she couldn't hold her tears despite the inquisitive gaze of the passers-by along the streets.

The desolation she felt was heightened by the snowflakes that drifted down profusely and fell upon her shoulders.

It was the first snow of the winter. It has frozen her already-numbed heart.

The sky cast a lonely gloom and everyone was hurrying to where they were going as if threatened by the melancholy that comes with winter.

Amidst the chilling wind, a pair of young lovers seated themselves comfortably on a bench by the tree. The girl squeezed her body into the loose overcoat of the boy, only showing her face.

"It is snowing! Wow, this is amazing!" the girl exclaimed.

Cassandra shrugged her shoulder at the thought of the girl's excitement. 'Snow and winter are not fun! It would be cold and the streets would be slippery, no fun at all, ' she contradicted silently.

'How unreasonable for couples in love to stay out in the cold! They look odd. But why? Why a part of me envy them despite being so unreasonable?' she pondered further.

Bleakly she noticed the snow was falling heavier, she looked for a taxi to get her home.

Unfortunately, the taxis were either unavailable or occupied every time she hailed one, maybe that was because of the heavy snow.

Desperately, she opted to take the bus instead. She thought, 'It would be more warm and convenient, anyway.'

Dragging her stiff legs, Cassandra trudged herself towards the bus station. The dense crowd and the confusing signs bothered her and jumbled her thoughts even more.

So many buses, and so many terminals, which one would take her to where she wanted? But what stopped her was the question on her mind that she could not find a suitable answer for - where on earth did she want to go?

To the house of the Qin family? No way, she had been married off, and she wasn't supposed to return to her maiden home.

To the small town? No, the cottage she had lived was not there anymore.

To the home of the Tang family? Oh! The confusion took its toll upon her, she felt her heart... was twisted with severe pain at the thought of her present home. If she can even call it 'home'.

Cassandra not knowing what to do, just sat on the bench at the bus station, lonely and looking straight blankly.

Buses came and went one after another. She wanted all her pains to just drift away with the buses, she wished they could just vanish like a mist in the thin air.

Someone turned a stereo on, and the sound of the song was faintly borne along with the busy bus station. She had heard it before, yet this time it sounded so sad.

She clearly remembered the title. It was called 'Contentment' by Mayday.

And the song went like this, "How to see the rainbow, how to embrace the summer wind. The stars in the sky laugh at people on the ground who never feel contented.

If I love your smiles, how will I collect and have them? If someone but me makes you happy, could it be that I have it by letting it go?

As a gust of wind brings a kite to the sky, it will pray for you. When your back disappears among the crowds, I find the smile in distress is the bitterest..."Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.

The lyrics were speaking to her, creeping into her senses, 'Maybe I desire way too much than I ought to. I have a career, I needn't worry about having three meals a day or being cold without something to wear. Why do I have to cross the line, to be complicated with Rufus?'

She hummed to the melody, and fresh new tears kissed her pale and cold innocent face.

The warm song, however, failed to make her heart feel a little less cold. She wept while silently humming. Her face betrayed the bitterness of her heart by cracking a vicious frown.

'I guess what the song is saying is true - the smile in distress is the bitterest, ' she thought.

She was happy being with Rufus and pained at the same time. 'Why don't I just end that now? My complicated affair with Rufus has caused so much trouble already.

Am I selfish to dream that Rufus would bring something to my life? I have fantasized that he would someday marry me."

Thinking about all these questions on her mind, her faint smile faded. She buried her face in her hands in frustration and tears wet her hands immediately.

The snow was raging and she could feel the tingling sensation of frostbites.

Shivering in the chilly wind, she only had her cashmere overcoat to keep her warm.

She didn't want to move, though her lips turned blue with cold and her face ached in the biting wind.

The snow never ceased to fall down. The snowflakes of six-fold symmetric shapes had a breathtaking beauty. However, the beauty fades as they mixed with her tears.

There were too many beautiful things which couldn't last too long in this world.

Like the snow, it couldn't last long! Such a temporary thing for us to enjoy while we could.

On the quiet and snowy evening, both the stars and the moon hid behind the thick clouds.

A sudden wind stirred up some snowflakes dancing in the air. Cassandra felt it was getting harder for her to breathe.

She felt dizzy and a bad headache suddenly came to her.

She struggled and desperately got on her feet. She forced herself to take a step but flopped down on the ground. She fainted.

A silhouette of a man rushed over across the street towards her direction. He was wearing a long and black coat.

"Cassandra, wake up," he called her name anxiously.

But she gave no response. Her body felt cold and rigid all over.

Rufus had watched her across the street for a long time, so long that it felt like an eternity for him. He enjoyed the view of her at a distant, she resembled a priceless masterpiece worthy of adoration.

Just as the thickening snow obscured his vision. Unable to see her face clearly, he could still sense her pain and sorrow.

She did sit in the icy wind for quite a long while, not knowing the consequences it might cause her.

Rufus, in his car, smoked the cigarette one after another to keep himself calm.

He was confused whether he should go over to her or just get away from her. He thought about the incident yesterday, she was such a stubborn girl that she didn't even glance back.

He had wanted to have a word with her in his office, but she evaded him by an excuse. To make sure that she was safe, he had to tag along.

The sight of the stormy snow blowing over her delicate and pale face covered by ice-cold tears broke his heart.

He was hopefully longing to stand in front of her, to hold her shoulders to pull her reasons back, to command her to stop putting herself up with the sufferings, to stop fearing, to assure her that he would protect her forever, as long as she was willing to be his woman...

But hesitation won over him. His eyes darkened, at the thought of his mother's photo on the tombstone, and his vow before her grave.

However, seeing her fainting down, he couldn't contain his feelings anymore, jerked open the door of his car and rushed over to help her up.

Holding Cassandra in his arms, it was the first time that Rufus panicked this way. He carried her to the car and drove hastily to the nearest hospital. He didn't step on the brakes even when the traffic lights turned red.

In the hospital, they had Cassandra's body temperature and blood pressure measured, and her blood samples drawn...

After a series of inspections, Cassandra was sent to the emergency ward for observation.

Viewing the medical record, the doctor asked Rufus in a cold tone, "Is she your wife?"